A new understanding...

I have come to see that depite my trials and tribulations that there always the same people by my side. I think it's God showing me who truly cares for me and that he put them in my life for a reason. I agree with Momma J that we met for a reason and that God has a purpose for the two of us. What I don't know. But it is good to know that she wants to walk that journey with me. I still don't know what I can offer her that she doesn't already have. She seems to have everything that she needs, so why am I in the picture? I just get more and more amazed at what God does for me no matter how much I stray or fall short of his glory. I can't seem to see what God sees in me. I see imperfection, but he sees a precious child. And his love is unwavering no matter what! What an awesome God!
1 Chronciles says "Give thanks to the Lord, for he is good!His faithful love endures forever."
FOREVER! That is so awesome that no matter what God will always love me, he created me. He didn't have to but he did. And I need to stop and think about that once in awhile. I am so wanting to go back to what I was before....before things changed....before my world crashed down around me. But.....maybe.......just maybe it has made me a better person. I have seem to come through everything wih just the scars and pain to show for it. It has made me stronger. Maybe thats the difference in me, I am somewhat stronger than I once was. I know that God doesn't make mistakes so everything happened because it had to be that way. It's the same with Momma J. I think she is here to keep me from doing something stupid, to keep me from an early grave. Whether that be my ED, or suicide. I know I need to focus on the good things and not the bad, but sometimes it can be hard...is that making sense? Or is it just another rant?
To end this I want to leave you with a scripture that I found awhile back that comforts me:
Passage John 14:18:
"I will not leave you comfortless: I will come to you". He has been wrapping his arm around me and protecting me the best he can. And for that I am grateful!

seriously....

I continue to do those stupid things that fall short of what God wants for me. I was doing the right thing and headed down the path for me until I decided to do something stupid. And now I feel so far away from him again. I haven't done anything yet but it's the fact that the notion crossed my mind. I feel like I will always do this, get close to him and then sin will pull me away. There has to be a way for the things in my mind to change.

In Awe of my amazing God and his works..

I am completely in awe at what God has done this week. My eyes have been opened to all of the amazing things that he is doing. Visiting the cold shelter was another one of those eye openers. To see and talk with the people that Carla talks about at home is amazing. They were so sweet and kind. Some of the best people in a sad situation. And I spoke with some and got to hear their sad stories and yet their faith is unwavering. I pray to God that he would make my faith the same: unwavering. Despite what they have gone through and are going through they still continue to trust and put their whole faith in him. It's was just an awe moment. My whole week has been like this. It's God saying "hello I am still here and I love you!". I am just so in awe of my amazing God! I am filled with excitment and whats the word I am looking for....gratitude. I feel like each day is gift, and not just another day of work and school. It's no longer a dreary thing when I get up in the morning. Praise be to the most awesome God!! Things at the shelter seem to be going great. It is great to think what God and his church are doing!

Weather?

This cold weather is not Florida weather....:) I can't wait for it to warm up again. I don't do cold very well. I hope it warms up soon! About to head to biology...yes I know it's not even 9am...it is to early for biology. Devotion time then off to class :) Wish me luck!

New President

So the new president Obama was sworn in today. First off what was Aretha Franklins huge hat? It was bigger than the freaking capitol building. His speech was great and reminded me of all that this country has been through. America is so rich in history. And today we made history with Barack Obama's election and his new presidency. I never imagined in my life being alive during a major historical event, besides 911. These are the things that I will be telling my kids and my grandkids when I am old in my wheelchair: I was there, I was involved. It is so inspiring to know that we have someone who will help this country pick itself back up and move on from what Bush has destroyed. On another note school has started today. Bio class was interesting, the discussion today went way above my head. I feel more retarded each and every day. Oh well on to my next class: statistics, then business ethics.

Oh geez

So this cold weather needs to disappear I mean really I live in Florida for this particular reason: I HATE the cold! Worked today on what is normally my day off. So I have finally paid this semester of school off, which starts at 9am tomorrow for me. Oh golly gee I am so happy to wake up at 7am to get ready for biology class...hint my sarcasm. These are all required classes which means to me that this will not be fun! I would rather take classes that I like and that are relevant to what I am majoring in...oh well. I sit here watching my babygirl sleep on her bed....what a blessing God has blessed me with each and every second of each day. She brightens my day in so many ways. For example, she is the first one I see in the morning, which is usually mommy feed me. But its still great to she her 1st before school books and before the alarm. Oh by the way those stuffed shells in the last blog were so good! Could have cooled a bit more before we ate them, but other than that they were fantastic!

Break

I have decided to take a break for tonight and have dinner with Deb and Pete from work. He is a professional cook and is making me stuffed shells with marinara sauce....yummy...can't wait! It feels good to do something for me!!

So...

A fresh new blog...oh what to write about. I have tons of things swirling around in my head that need to be expressed. First off, school starts on tuesday...and honestly I am not prepared for this semester. They are required classes that I do not want to take but have to for some reason. I am still trying to find the idiot who thought it would be a great idea to charge outrageous prices for college books. Seriously, we all have to work to support our education, but they are making it harder by charging a hundred dollars a book. I spent over 500 on books alone for this semester. I hate to think what I have had to pay over the last 2 years. Secondly, I had a horrible reaction to a shot yesterday. I think it's great when the nurse stepped into the room and said " I am not going to lie to you this shot is gonna sting and burn. Then it will be sore later because it has to go into your muscle". Honestly she could have lied to me...I mean really I would have been fine with those won't hurt. Or even with "this may only hurt a little". This is another reason why I could never be a nurse, I would lie too much to the patients. Anyways, It is really sore and has moved to other muscles. She didn't give me any limitations so I went home and had several drinks. I am wondering if this is the reason I have had a reaction. And the bad thing is I have to go back for another shot in 2 months. I hate the doctors. Third thing on my mind is the lack of time I have had for anything. I feel like a bad mother because I haven't spent enough time with my babygirl. She waits for me to come home, cries for me when I am not home, and I can see my schedule has been affecting her. But what can I do about it? Oh well, enough ranting and raving...it is time to go and enjoy my beer...adios!